Why my house is perpetually unclean..

I had an epiphany today… like any other strokes of genius I decided today that I MUST CLEAN MY ROOM.  And this means; spend time on the internet.. put scattered makeup into a bag.. check Facebook… look at my pile of dishes on my desk… Twitter!… witness my scattered shoes.. look up One Direction’s new album online.. and REPEAT the system all over again

So reasons why my house in kerfuffles:

1.) I’m a uni student…

I’m not sure why we (students as a collective are allowed their apparent student-ness as an excuse for our inability to pick up our dirty clothes… but I’m going with it.

2.) I’m an athlete?

So this is why my skates are everywhere… I found one the other day, just laying in the hallway… Random.

3.) I light candles 24/7

I realized I’m one of “those girls”.  The ones who smell candles and get WAY too excited about this object that makes a room smell like lavender bullshit… So the constant smell throughout my room masks the fact that I have a box of cereal laying on my couch..

4.) There is a mafia of spiders living in my bathroom.  I was just in there minding my own business and I look down… there are 3 ginormous spiders in every corner.  A giant family has moved into my living space and are now controlling the alcohol and its distribution (mafia jokes anyone? anyone?).  I swear if I kill just one tiny one they will all come after me and enact their rage and violent tendencies and kill my whole family.   Let’s just be clear I’m totally cool with spiders. Spiders and I are on speaking terms. We occasionally go for coffee. I just don’t want to be involved in a flaming turf war with them.. they always win.

So those are four reasons why I can’t clean my house and one reason for why I’m a huge pansy…

Avril League Fairv

What what what are you doing??!!

I’m sorry but when I see people wearing sweatpants in public… I secretly judge you.

I was talking about this with a friend and we believe sweatpants/suits are only forgivable during intense exam season, but on a regular Tuesday? PUT SOME NORMAL PANTS ON! A SKIRT, A DRESS, LULUS, SOMETHING! A dress is literally the easiest thing to wear on the planet. You put it over your head.. and it’s an outfit. Done and done.

Look how beautiful she is:

Blake Lively is a goddess. And she’s wearing a dress. Easy peesy.

This value was established through my mother in my childhood. She has always said, “Dress like you are going to meet your future husband.” So everyday I try to emulate her lectures.  So I am legit red carpet ready 24-7.  Not really. I just end up looking like this:

But seriously… I would just end up being asleep in lectures and have narcolepsy in public places if I wore sweaties ere day.

Anyways, put some jeans on! It will wake you up and you will look hot as shit!!

Love your fashion police,

Avril League Fairv

Life always seems to surprise me

I have sworn in the past that nobody ever hits on me. Ever.

I had maintained the notion that I will die alone with a bunch of cats. I was having one of those overly emotional girl moments of watching the Notebook and never believing a relationship could happen to me.. and then it happened…

I got a married.

just kidding.

I got engaged.

nope fooled ya again!

I actually got a boyfriend! I snagged one from the single girls of the world!!!!

Haaaa! Got you again. I’m still single lolz!

But I actually did get hit on! I promise! No jokes here!

I was at this party for a friend of a friend’s birthday (I was crashing like I always do.. obvi!) And I had a few beverages… not white girl wasted but kind of like this:

I was approached by a lovely gentleman and he said and I quote, “I Like You.”

I like you.  That is a very packed sentence. I was so confused! I didn’t believe it was happening right before my eyes.. I wondered what proper etiquette was? How do you respond to that?

I was like, should we start sucking face? I don’t know how to do that!

I wasn’t sure about this romantic prospect. I don’t know this person. A random child in front of me proclaiming his undying love for me. I wasnt sure.

So I ended up just be an awkward child and left the party due to my ride leaving and taking me to a lovely establishment called McDonald’s.  Later that evening I just wanted to:

So no mom, I’m not getting married anytime soon but there was one man willing enough to take me off you hands… Woah DREAM BIG! I’m thinking you should betting on my four other siblings on that one.

Love your perpetually single daughter,

Avril League Fairv

 

Homecoming!!!

Homecoming; a time to get white-girl wasted, vomit purple, eat some pancakes, and cheer your football team to greatness.

This was probably the vast majority of what did (but the colour of vomit depends on the school you represent…) And now you are nursing a mad hangover looking like this:

This is what I did on HOCO ’12:

I drank a healthy spinach smoothie, listened to Celine Dion and studied for my midterms.

Then for a break my roommates and I watched Love Actually.

And then I cried because I will never have a love like that.

 

So how was your homecoming? Mine was fantastic.

Avril League Fairv

What Do You Want to Do Before You Die?

Ben and Duncan, members of the Buried Life (that show from MTV) came to Western and I obvi went with my bestie/roommate Jessica (aka. Boner).  And it was amazazing.

So at the end of the show they ask if people wanna come up and share “what they want to do before they die”.. and I being the nerd I am, brought my entire list with me.

So I go up and share #97 with them.  I say, “Before I die, I want to buy a drink for the hottest guy in a bar.  And that might be you two!!!!”

So this horrid picture of me is after the show with the drinks that I bought for the hottest guys in the Wave (a bar on campus at Western University), Duncan and Ben.  So I went up afterwards and gave them their drinks and they signed my list and helped my cross of #97- buy a drink for the hottest guy in the bar, #102– meet the Buried Life, and #67– make a complete and utter fool of myself.

This is just a page of my list:

So this is me and my future husbands:

So what do you want to do before you die?

Make your own list and go after your dreams, one day you could be sucking face with the members of the Buried Life.

Avril League Fairv

So little time so much to do, I’d rather spend my day with you

So little time so much to do, I’d rather spend one day with you, and if that day is not enough, maybe we could stay in touch, I’m not making plans for tomorrooowwwwww!

I love Mary-Kate and Ashley.

They we spot on when they made the show So Little Time. Because it’s so true!

Being in school, and skating, and writing for the newspaper (YAY!), and blogging, and having a social life, and doing school work… theres not enough time.  And i just wanna nap for like 87 hours.

Also.. my internet was out at my house all weekend so my roommates and I built an epic blanketfort. Waste of time?? i think NOT!!!

#partyingintheblanketforth #justjoshinimstudying

IT WAS THE BEST THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE. we only left for provisions and to pee.. so the forth kinda smelt like champions and death on monday morning… Expansion to the fort begins tomorrow. Stayed tuned for THE REAL WORLD: blankethouse edition

What have you done with your life lately???!!!

Your eccentric bestie,

Avril League Fairv

Being sick and productive.

So I woke up like 1381047289 times last night to cough, blow my nose, then check the time.  Im feeling fantastic.. but not really.  I kinda feel like Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (the greatest movie of all time)

I got out of bed just to do this:

And then I’m all like:

But then a miracle happened. I BECAME PRODUCTIVE!

I could here the faint sound of my mom saying:

So I did all the dishes.. like a boss. Cleaned my room… like a boss. Then got down to the books and started printing off my notes, highlighting, and dusting off my textbooks.

 

Im feeling great now… I still have an entire colony of death living in my brain, nasal and throat passages but IM WORKING IT!!!

How was your day darling?

Love your productive sicko,

Avril League Fairv

Being single and death.

So hello everybody!! I know its been a while since i’ve last written… sorry.  But I’m only back to discuss the most intense damaging news story hitting right now.

Im dying.

I was in my sports psychology class and we were talking about living in groups and developing relationships and the evolutionary advantages of having the sex and loving someone, being in committed relationships..etc. etc.

And my prof told me that single people die earlier than people in relationships. AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I guess it has been my last birthday 😦

Single people are also more likely to have health problems and cancer and heart disease and death!!! AHHHH im freaking out!

But now I’ve accepted it. Its all good. But:

So all my single ladies : we gotta stick together.

Slash I need a significant other. Slash I gotta hit the gym. And stop eating waffle cones. and nutella.

So this is how im gonna find a mate:

Im just gonna send this out to everyone I know and people I don’t know so I can trick them into getting with me 😉

SO yeah… having fun lately.

See you six feet under!

Avril League Fairv

IQ: my new addiction… it’s like crack.

 

 

 

 

So I’ve been working downtown T.O. at my dad’s office and we recently went to lunch at this amazing place.  The line seemed quite long for a “fast food” place, going around the corner.  But the wait was totally worth it.  I got a “hot box”, no… not a car full of drugs, but a box full of this: Roasted Chicken, Aged White Cheddar, Avocado, Corn, Black Beans, Grape Tomatoes, Cilantro, Lime Wedge, Brown Rice and Chili Lime Sauce over a bed of quinoa.

It’s called the Lima and I dream of it every night.

I know this place may seem all hipster-like with it’s all natural, nothing fried, super fresh deliciousness but its sooooo good I swear! Men and women in stuffed-up business suits get giddy over this place.  And it is my job to share it with the rest of the world.

Yummers

You can also tweet them song suggestions and then they play it for you!! Amazing right? I am way too stoked when I find a new restaurant and I have the greatest urge for everyone else to go on the roller coaster ride that is eating deliciousness ere day.

index

Are you starving yet?

Avril League Fairv

 

OMGJBiebs

As any self-respecting person, when the name is mentioned, I usually rag on the J Biebs, as in Justin Bieber.  As any person should, I mock the biebs. I say he’s lame.  But we all know it’s just cause we’re jealous.  I didn’t realize this until the moment I saw his new music video for “As Long As You Love Me”.  I see a nod to the previous and momentous and glorious Backstreet Boys song, but this song, I can’t get it out of my head.  It’s like the new Call Me Maybe.  And Im going CRAZY.

Here it is: so you can get equally addicted or disgusted.

Well whatcha think??

Pretty amazing right??!!

love always,

Mrs. Bieber