Live your life. Jeez go out and do it! I mean not it (it) as in the sex… but you know what i mean. awks.

I wrote a list of 100 things to do before I die a fair amount of time ago and it has been gathering some dust since recently.  Some plans were undid and my commitment was seriously lacking.

And then I got my shit together.

Lately, I’ve been breaking the law:

Yeah Im standing in a no standing zone. I fuck shit up!

I rode a ferris wheel for the first time:

Yeah I peed my pants I was so terrified, but i got through it and that’s all that matters!

I crowd surfed and moshed at a concert:

Yeah thats me with the dreads ^^^^^^!

I’ve been reading more! This book is excellent:

So my advice to those sitting around this summer doing nothing; go outside! Do stuff that you don’t normally do.  Meet sexy people! Cross stuff off your lists! 😉 Instead of working ere day 9-5 going home and eating ice cream and crying yourself to sleep, go and eat that ice cream outside. Enjoy the rain and the sunshine. Talk to your hot coworker.. Get in trouble. Just do it!

Your welcome America,

Avril League Fairv

Awkward child…

So I’ve been taking a break from writing this blog because i’ve been feeling a little uninspired.  I’ve been in a little bit of routine, a rut you might say.  I’ve been gardening in thunder storms and being miserable:

Then laying on the double chaise lounger tanning at the cottage on weekends.

But  something exciting happened to me today. I talked to a boy.

Holy shit I know!

Hokay so i’ll set the scene:

It’s thunderstorming outside, the sunglass hut store at the mall is full of young consumers pondering over eyewear.  I enter. Searching for a delicious pair of RayBans to replace two pairs I have lost in recent years.  Im looking for something funky. Something to set me apart from everyone else.  Im disappointed.. only black and brown sets in the store (lame).  I turn to my left. Two young strapping men are whispering about a pair of sunnies for the gorgeous blonde creature that stands before me. They say “ask that chick” and the other protests… I look over once more.  He asks, “are these too big??” And then i answer:

“Well, I have this weird pet peeve that all sunglasses are too big unless you can see the remnants of your eyebrows.. but no those look good on you. I know its weird.”

Wow ave, really impressive… these hot guys think you’re a total psycho rambling crazy. Greaaaatttt.

They do an awkward laugh and move on.

And then i proceed to grab the ugliest glasses in the store (giant red grossness) and turn to them and say “ARE THESE TWO BIG??!”

They do another awkward laugh and proceed to leave.

Imma failure.

Then I exit and the hot blonde is waiting outside and he says “thanks for the help”And then I say “have a good one…” and proceed to die of embarrassment.

So yeah… I am the most awkward child in the entire world.

Sincerely your awkward turtle,

Avril League Fairv

Yeah im a little snobby… about milk.

Ok so all my life ive drank 1% or skim milk and whenever somebody i know drinks 2% around me i secretly judge them.

It tastes gross!!! Honestly I’ve always thought that 2% taste legit like cream! Wayyyyy too much for cereal or every day drinkage purposes.  So I’m at the cottage still (i love to vacant! (as in vacation)..) and we ran out of 1%! I know udder (utter) tragedy eh? hahahah get it? udder… as in cow udder.. as in milk?? IM HILARIOUS. but not really.

anyways back to the story.

So im begrudgingly pouring 2% into my bowl to enjoy some delicious Cheerios and I take a bite… and it’s heaven. Delicious 2% heaven. So yeah… I no longer judge people who drink it or i’d be a hypocrite. No i have to ween myself off of this milky tit (gross) and go back to the shit that is 1%.

Yeah i just ranted about milk.. My life is boring as shit. Why dont I go out and do something exciting for a change like party or get into car racing or mountain bear hunting.

Nahhh milk is where it’s at bros,

Avril League Fairv

Help meeeee!

So I was showering in the shower today, obviously because I’m a dirty street urchin and the most terrifying thing happened. We have glass sliding doors on the shower cause they’re fancy and shit and they both broke.  Not like the glass broke, like they refused to slide open.  I’m stuck butt naked in the shower in the cottage while everyone else is down at the lake in the boat having a gay-old-time.

I’m yelling and screaming for someone to help me (last resort! i couldn’t fix it from the inside, let alone fix it naked and exposed to the world without the use of tools).

And I’m just praying for Ryan Gosling or a similarly beautiful individual to help me and then marry me.

So this is me, trapped:

And so I do what any girl would do and yell for Ryan Gosling until I break the down door myself a smidgen and shimmy out eventually.

So yeah… That was the majority of my afternoon.

Spent wisely.

Avril League Fairv

What Ever Happened To?..

So you guys may remember a lovely gentleman that works at my local ultra favourite Starbucks. Whatever happened to that guy you may be asking yourselves??!!

Well after many dates and a long loving relationship… I’m engaged!!

jokes!!! I never spoke to him…

And because I’m trying to curb my intense spending habits and albeit and ridiculous addiction to Starbucks lattes, I haven’t even been in to the establishment to profess my undying love for him. So yeah… Im just like:

Sing it Adele!!! Oooooooh girl! Sing it!

Great….

Avril League Fairv

All the time…

When nobody reads my blog,

I’m just like:

Jokes! but everytime you read my blog a kitten is saved from torture.

Think of the kittens, please!

Avril League Fairv

The most true saying ever.

So I did some grocery shopping for my mom this weekend in preparation for our multiple vacation weekends at the cottage and she ask me to buy these:

 

It was not volunteering for this job.

So yeah this just happened:

And swimming to the island in the middle of the lake and back ere day in order to no balloon my body to the size of a sumo wrestler. I understand treating yourself and girl body empowerment blah blah blah but when this is all available to me, I’m just like:

So yeah the beach bod is gonna go to crap unless i could my inner Barney the dinosaur and stop killing all the junk food in the house.

You’re the chocolate to my chips,

Avril League Fairv

My inspirations today are gorgeous outfits and cute dogs…

hahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! this dog is hilarious!

they girls are way cooler than me. for sure.

so sweet!

best outfit ever! wolf tees for the WIN!

sleepy time for the babies!!

gorg accessories!

i wish this was my life. minus those shoes.

Get inspired ere day,

Avril League Fairv

What I’ve Been Doing Lately…

I haven’t posted an article on my blog in a very long time… But you have to realize I’m a very busy person… I work two days a week. (Sorry mom! Imma try and find some more work and I’m cutting the grass today so you can’t get mad at me!)

So this is what I did since our last lovely exchange of communication:

I plucked my eyebrows:

I posed for a lot of pictures at the cottage:

I did some light reading:

but not really…

I went on vacation for five days:

I got two literal and metaphorical tickets to the gun show:

I learned how to shoot and I got all the targets on the first try… really!!! But not really.. i was a total fail.

I caught up on the Bachelorette:

So yeah…. that’s about it. The most exciting week ever.

Now that I seem absolutely off my rocker, that’s what I did this past week.

Love your insane bestfriend who’s not invited to the wedding,

Avril League Fairv

Everybody loves cake!!! Ohhh layerssss

Made a cake this weekend, thought you lovers would loveeeee it!

ps sorry i didnt share.

Recipe by Monika:

Tipsy Upside-Down Cake

(so easy you can make it while tipsy and it might sort of come out!)

– fruit (2 cups of blueberries, rhubarb, peaches, whatever)

– sugar or maple syrup, amount depends on sweetness of fruit

– 3 tbs butter

– booze if you want

– 2 eggs

– 1 tsp vanilla

– 1 tsp of lemon juice

– 3 tbsp hot water

– 2/3 cup flour

– 1 tsp baking powder

– hefty pinch of salt

1. Preheat oven to 325 F, spray or butter what ever pan your heart desires (muffin cups, maybe?)

2. Cook fruit and sugar and butter until combined and softened (if using rhubarb), pour into prepared pan and add your alcohol of choice

3. Whip egg whites like there’s no tomorrow. Add vanilla and sugar and lemon, and maybe water.

4. Mix the dry stuff in a bowl and then fold in the eggy stuff. Pour into pan, lick spatula.

5. Bake for as long as your pan necessitates. Our small squarish pan took 45 minutos.

Tip: is delicious served with sweetened whipped cream

YUMMERS!!!!!! and enjoy my lovelies!

Love,

Avril League Fairv